Domestic violence

a woman asked my mother for advice, about the fact her husband made her a punching bag!

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does happen.

if you are a woman being hit by your husband, don’t try to make excuses.

don’t say it was my fault,
he was right i was wrong.

If he hit you once, and you do nothing, it will happen again, and again and then it’s too late.

Inform your family, father, mother anyone, so when the S… hit the fan, you never left alone.

the sad thing women always to be blamed, and the funny part is this question: why didn’t you SAY anything??
will can’t we take a hint, like the black eye!

Women should NEVER EVER ignore the fact the man hit her.

No man should hit a woman PERIOD.

ahhhh. that been said!
cheers

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4 comments on “Domestic violence

  1. You are underestimating and simplifying the nature of domestic violence in Saudi Arabia, and the characteristics of a battered wife and her abuser husband.
    Do you think changing a person’s thoughts and beliefs can occur suddenly because someone “allowed” her to think differently or told her to “never” think in a certain way? it will only driver her away into the arms of the abuser?

    Chances are her family knows and doesn’t do anything about it because:
    1) there might be nothing wrong with it (in her family, its acceptable for a man hit his wife)
    2) Her husband is her family now and he is responsible for her
    3) What are they going to do about it? Ruin her marital life? Then what ? who is going to be financially/ socially responsible for her

    So what kinda advice would you give a female who tells you her husband beats her ?
    Leave her husband ? and go where.. especially if she is a house wife with no income, no college degree .. no work.. nothing..
    What about her children? Is she expected to leave them so the boys will learn to hit their future wives and her daughters become her? Or maybe leave so the children will become the man’s punching bag?

  2. Domestic violence is one of the most humiliating and degrading experiences a woman can go through. The emotional and psychological scars it leaves are impossible to heal. I, for one, wish I can simply wipe away the memories of my terrible experience.

    Women who have access to outside help should definitely avail themselves of that help. There’s no denying that this advice is so much easier said than done, but it is not wasted when uttered, either. It should be heard, not only by the victims, but by their would-be supporters as well. It is often the case that victims will not voluntarily talk about it, because doing so forces them to relive the experience and feel the humiliation all over again. The internal anguish is immense. Those outside will have to reach out to them and let them know that they are not alone.

    If you, the reader, suspect that a woman is being abused and you can help, don’t wait for her to tell you. Reach out instead and let her know that you are there to help if she needs it, even if all you can do is listen and commiserate. That may seem like no help at all, but for one who is trapped in darkness, even a speck of light brings a whole world of hope.

  3. My father once told me, girls and women should never ever be beaten, whether religion or culture tells so or not!

    One trouble with societies where domestic violence is common (and NOT REPORTED) is that it’s not an issue with them. It’s not an important concern with them. But it should be.

    Domestic violence, whether physical or not, should be addressed. The first step towards this is that society should admit that it is an issue that should be alleviated, otherwise nothing can be done. If it’s not an issue with families, then nothing can be done. If it’s not an issue for the sexes, then nothing can be done. If it’s not an issue with the religious authorities, then nothing can be done. If it’s a non-issue for the government, you can bet your last riyal, nothing can be done. If people are not part of the solution, may be they themselves are part of the problem. Part of this is because we live in a culture of silence.

    The causes for domestic violence may or may be complicated and admittedly hard to pinpoint exactly,but the bottom line is, women (and men too!) are not punching bags! No misunderstanding or argument is worth hitting/abusing/beating somebody for. Unfortunately, many of us live in a culture of silence.

  4. @riem and coralbead. Excellent points, both. As long as the society ignores this issue supported by archaic religious interpretations that emphasize men as maintainers and women as baby factories, nothing is going to change. Young girls are taught and believe that education should never take priority over early marriage. Then when the abuse happens, she indeed has no recourse. Islam advocates the protection and elevation of women. In this true spirit, a Muslim society or family that really wants to protect its women should ensure their education. Also, women should not have the fear of losing their children should they choose to leave an abusive husband.

    We don’t live in the 6th century anymore, and Qur’an needs to be interpreted with a view to its over-riding messages of justice and dignity and not simply what’s to the benefit of the male. Is it gonna happen in the Muslim World at large? Unfortunately, probably not anytime soon. . . and the culture of silence will continue.

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