you are old now Majid, and you are not married!

if you are a fan of Russel Peters you must have seen his show in Canada,

he told the crowed about his issues in regards of getting married and his mothers reaction,

you are old now Russel, and you are not married! why I don’t find you a nice girl, so you merry her.

the thing is happning to me,

my mom tkae every chance to raise the issue,

she comes back from a wedding, she would go on and on about the nice girl’s “wife martial” she met.

how educated they are, how good looking they were.

she would come back from a women community meeting and it’s all the same topic.

now she tried a new thing.

not only that, my mom would say the the women, bring their daughters to her, known that I have 2 young men ready to get married.

to meet them and talk to them and see where that would lead.

she posted a question on my  http://www.formspring.me/saudimajix

now thats a new move,

she asked this Anonymously ^.^ as if i wouldn’t know it was her lol

ليش ما تبيني اخطب لك و تتزوج و اشيل احفادي

Q: why don’t you want me to find you a wife, and get married so I would carry my grandchildren?

my answer was:

لاني ما ابغى الزواج
الله يحفضك ويطول في عمرك وتشوفي احفادك من طارق وسعد ان شاء الله
اما انا ارجوكي اعفيني

A:becase I don’t want to get married

my god bless you and have a long life to see the grandchildren of my brothers Tariq and Saad.

so please spare me.

some people might think, I’m being harsh, or selfash.

but to tell you the truth it’s my life, I’m the one who is going to get married,

my point is I want to get married only if I want to get married,

not becase people around me wants it.

a friend of mine yesterday told me,

that I should really consider getting married,

he told me that now is the age of achievements as you hit your 40’s you would look back and see what have you achieved , and you might get depressed and regret that you have not done that.

does it??? i wonder.

I know myself to good, I can’t marry just anyone, I’m hard person to be with let alone spend the rest of your life with.

my views, life style don’t suite anyone.

and most of all, I don’t want to be the person, that would destroy the pink dreams of a girl in marriage.

even if I got married, I don’t want children, I would only need a companionship.

I’m 31yo, if I get married let say in my late 30’s et say 37,

and have a kid in a hurry let say 40, when he is 20 I’ll be 60 years old.

I don’t want that.

I don’t mind spending the rest of my life unmarried, I’m fine with it.

but it seems that my feeling does not count!

guys I need your help!

no matter what I tell my mom, she would never stop.

what should I do?

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12 comments on “you are old now Majid, and you are not married!

  1. “that would destroy the pink dreams of a girl in marriage” – LOL…I’m a girl, and I hate pink as much as I hate the idea of marriage. It seems some people will never get over the fact that marriage is NOT everything in life. I don’t think Arab parents will ever give up on this perfect idea of “family” happily together forever with grandchildren and bla bla bla.
    Good luck convincing your mom that her dream isn’t going to come true any time soon…Let’s put it this way, be happy your the guy in this situation and only started getting nagged in your 30s. Women by the age of 25/27 are considered old and to have lost their chance of a good marriage.

    • Thank you for your comment,
      How could you not love pink, I’m a guy AND LOVE pink 😉

      will I know she won’t stop, I’ll try my best to avoid the topic as much as I can ^.^
      it started when I was 26 yo, but I’m okay.
      and the pressure on you girls is more then us guys, lets hope you find your man SOON ^.^

      Thank you again

      cheers

  2. Haha! my third sister is getting married and all eyes are on me? Do I care? NO!

    I earn my keep, I don’t live on my parents’ money and I take as much control of my life as I can.

    Like you, I will get married when that time really comes, and it won’t be to just any man.

    I don’t want to disappoint any man out there because he finds out that I am not the overly obedient type, that I have dreams so different from his.

    I wouldn’t want to be hurt either.

    And I wouldn’t want to hurt any child of mine because he sees I cannot respect his father or he sees that his father does not respect me.

  3. hmm
    i believe the only reason ur mom keep nagging is because she feels you.meaning; ur natural need!!. if u answer her that she will be so embarrassed or at least she knows why , so try that ,may help u

    • I talked to her last night about it,
      and I told her that it’s not sex issue ^.^

      yes me and mom talked about it, and I told her that I’m looking for a companionship, and she would be the first to know.
      she tells me I should do it her way, she knows some families that would allow me to sit and talk to the girl, I told her not that way.
      as for me I really told her that marriage is something I really don’t want, because I don’t want PERIOD.
      I hope she understands that.
      thank you for your kind comment, and sorry for being blunt 😉
      cheers

  4. I have a friend whose a Saudi (also from Khobar), whose a lot older than you and not married, for many of the same reasons… I think he has a lot of integrity because he doesn’t want to get married just because people say he must and perhaps make some girl miserable because they don’t mesh right. But he has had heaps and heaps of flak from his family and yes, lots of people thinking he must be gay, sigh! I think it’s really really tough to stick to what you want, but so far he’s still happy with his choice – so you can take heart from that! 🙂

  5. Oh, the marriage issue! Interesting to see a young man’s point of view on this. Your poor mom. She loves you. Well, here are my thoughts as a non-traditional Muslim mom with only daughters. I am SCARED TO DEATH of the Islamic marriage process! I did not go through it, so I just can’t relate. I met and married my husband in college, before I converted to Islam, so it was all very organic and romantic. A few years ago, a girl came up to me in the mall, pointed to my then 14-year old daughter, and said in broken English, “My mother wants her for my brother.” Whoa! Say what?!! I politely thanked her for the compliment and told her he’d need to wait at least 10 years, so it probably wasn’t feasible. Then I hear stories from my friends who accompany their female relatives on “bride assessment” visits. I don’t know how I would be able to maintain composure with a group of ladies sitting in my living room assessing the suitability of my girls or a young man coming to sit for just a couple of hours and my daughter is expected to make a decision with no time to interact in different settings and really get to know the person. The daughter of a friend was engaged this traditional way. She and her fiancé were then separated for a few months – she in the U.S. and he in Canada. They would call or email every day and she would tell him about all her activities. He started to send very disconcerting messages that he wasn’t happy she did this or that, that friend she was with didn’t sound good, etc. Basically, strong signs that he was a control freak. She broke it off. The scary thing is, if it had not been for that time span, she never would have found out about this until it was too late. In the living room, he presented himself as the perfect choice. So, I don’t know – I definitely appreciate the family role in the marriage process, but I just hope that my daughters’ experiences are somehow more natural. So, here’s a blog post for you. Do you think that the majority of young men and women want that too? Or are most happy/accepting with the traditional approach? I get the feeling it’s the former, but maybe I’m just projecting my personal bias. Anyway, as for your personal situation, I definitely appreciate your not wanting to be forced into anything, but do keep your mind open if the right person happens to walk into your life – you’ll know it when you see it. (Okay, now I’m sounding like a mom! :))

    Maggie

    • Do you think that the majority of young men and women want that too? Or are most happy/accepting with the traditional approach?

      I don’t think I’m the right person to be asked this but here is a small story of my younger brother Tariq,
      He lived in the UK for 6 years to get his degree and he was offered to seek higher education but he said he wanted to get married first,
      my mom had a friend who had a girl she liked, he came saw her and that was it

      he is living a happy life now this month he completed one year ^.^

      what happened was, he came to my room one night and asked me that he wants to get married since i’m older then him and not married yet, he was asking for permission, I told him go ahead I won’t put your life on hold cuz of me.

      i was kinda thinking that my brother living out of Saudi would make him want to at least get to know the person that he plans to share his life with but I guess I was wrong. he also made his wife to cover and so she did, they had an understanding, my mom was not happy with the segregation in our house when they visit but I told her as long they are happy who we are to question them.

      some of my friends are like me, some even was like me but gave in to family pressure.

      some living happy some are managing and some are divorced, I guess every story differ from the other.

      I know how you feel, my uncles wife she is an American and I guess she is going thru that phase right now.

      I love my mom to death, but I think I came with her to an understanding, yet I know that I don’t want to get married Period at least now.

      thank you for you comment and sharing your story ^.^

      cheers

  6. Well, see, there you have it. I know there are plenty of couples who get married the traditional way and are happy – it’s just me and my cultural programming. There are also many couples in the West who have plenty of time to know each other before marriage and they AREN’T happy in the end…so like you say, each story is different. lol- glad to know i’m not the only American mom having such trepidations! I don’t know why i’m worried about this anyway right now – it will be a long time before any of mine are ready to get married (i hope!) They all have to get their phd’s first :).

    • and thats what she said, you should worry as soon your girls hit 18 they are targeted, unless you make it clear to others.

      or hire a guy with a shot gun at your door 😀

  7. It’s good that you brought up such topic because I always tell my unmarried girl freinds that men are under the same pressure, but they never beleive me.
    I think readiness is all, but I also understand your mother’s point. To most people, a married life is the regular normal life…they can’t imagine life in another way, and that doesn’t mean they are bad or less intellectual.

    I got married a traditional marriage 18 years ago, and alhamdulillah I am happy, and I deeply beleive that I could have never accomplished anything in my professional life without the help and support of my husband. I don’t know how would I have become if i hadn’t got married. I don’t think I would be happy at all…but then..it was my choice.

    Thanks

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